Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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