I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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