She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
