You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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