My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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