Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
