My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
