If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
