I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
