well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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