Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
