Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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