when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize