And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
