The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize