Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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