he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize