umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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