apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
