hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
