so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
