Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
