so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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