I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
