it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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