by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
