omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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