Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
