I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
