my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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