She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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