I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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