My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
