Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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