I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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