Betty ford says i'm here all night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
