i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
