ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
