stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
