hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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