I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
