Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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