I seem to have left my pride at pride
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
