True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
