i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
