You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
