I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
