I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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