he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
