i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
