found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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