I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I deserve this hangover.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
