Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
