My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
