i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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