I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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