Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
