YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
